Breaking into Circles – Ballad of the Annoying Guy at Bars

We have all seen them. If you are a woman you have all experienced them and/or have been groped by them. If you are a man you have made fun of them or are one of them.

I have been observing a decent amount of bar and club behavior over the last few months while traveling around the country, and no matter where I go, there are multiple examples of the “annoying” guy trying to break into a “dance circle” of women.

He may start off standing near the bar, or randomly moving around the dance floor, lurking about like some pathetic vulture hoping for a good night’s meal. Once he has eyed his prize, or in this case any walking breathing woman who isn’t the obvious grenade of the group, he begins his inward pursuit.

Slowly he lumbers backwards, shaking his hips awkwardly as he attempts to penetrate the near indestructible “girls night out” circle. Never really breaking the plane, he slowly inches in closer and closer in hopes of a potential buttocks rub. Meanwhile other more confident lions continue to circle as if unknown to their prey, each with their own unique douchey moves, as they attempt to lock eyes or throw their verbal spears praying one will stick.

Exhibit A
Exhibit A (notice look on her face)

Meanwhile the “victims” of this (literal) dance continue to smile and move around, leaning into each other’s ears to comment on (or yell depending on the club) the futile play that surrounds them.

Eventually one of the lions breaks the circle, most of the time by force with a random shoulder or waist grab, to lean in and share their words of wisdom with the “supposedly” unsuspecting prey.

This strange dance of love continues through the night as new “talent” arrives and old victims leave or fall eventually to the 2AM drunken mistake.

So if you are one of these “annoying” guys or know someone like them, remember these simple facts or share them with others:

  • You are not slick or suave or dope or whatever you blasted kids say these days.
  • She is aware of you at all times so stop “sneaking” up on her.
  • She will choose you if she is attracted to you physically or if she is emotionally unstable.
  • You will alienate all other guys as you drive women away with your constant pursuit of a fruitless effort.
  • Your non-stop attacks on every “dance circle” will be noticed, and those in them will not feel “special” as you try to lower the defense fields with drinks and time.
  • and finally….Backing up into a dance circle is NOT COOL! If you want something go in head first and try your shot. You will most likely fail, but at least you had the decency to look failure in the eye instead of getting it in the rear.

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